Angels Lie To Keep Control
by My one true love
Summary: He'd rather be anywhere but there. But a promise he made four years ago brought him there and now he has to see her for the first time in a month. Rating for language.


_Hello all! I have a new angsty Quick fic for your reading pleasure. My friends seem to think that I need to do a sequel. If you agree please let me know when you review because I adore reviews! Thanks!_

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Puck had no idea why the fuck he was there. Actually it had to do with a promise that the original Gleeks had made the night of graduation. A promise to meet up four years after they graduated to catch up. They were all supposed to fly home and spend as much of the summer as possible together (although of course since some of them had jobs that wasn't possible), but at least for one night. And that night had finally come.

So here they all were, catching up with one another's lives and having a great night. Well, everyone but him was having a good night. He downed his drink, signaled to the bartender for another. He never should've come. He knew better, he knew what it was going to be like and yet here he was. He blamed fucking Berry. The bitch wouldn't leave him alone until he promised that he would be there. Now here he was, miserable and working on getting hammered. He'd barely talked to anyone all night, just sat there drinking and watching. Watching one person in particular.

Quinn Fabray, his ex-girlfriend of a month.

Why he'd ever thought that they'd last he had no idea. It's not like he was the type to have lasting relationships, but he'd actually thought that she was the one. But apparently she thought otherwise. He watched her as she flitted around, smiles for everyone. He wanted to hate her, but he just couldn't find it in himself to do so. It might have something to do with the fact that he loved her still – even after everything that she'd done to him. It was like he couldn't get her out of his head and it pissed him the fuck off.

At that moment she was smiling up at Sam, her hand on his arm as she flirted. He wasn't actually close enough to hear what they were saying but he knew she had to be flirting. Whore. His jaw clenched as he fought the urge to run across the room and rip her away from the other boy. Although he would deny it (even to himself), he was jealous of anyone who had her attention since she seemed to have forgotten that he even existed.

Well fuck her. She didn't need to know about how he would sit at home in the apartment that they used to share flipping through old photos of them (he wasn't a fucking pussy – and he'd beat the shit out of anyone who implied that he was) and wonder what the hell had gone wrong. She didn't need to know about how he kept the letter she'd written him to fucking break up with him in his bedside drawer. Or how he'd read it every fucking day (sometimes twice a day) while he tried to figure out what he'd done wrong. He'd read it so many times that he could quote the whole damn letter.

_Dear Puck - _

_Isn't it funny how after all of these years I still can't bring myself to call you by your first name? That should have been the first clue that this wasn't working. I don't know how I've let it go on this long. I do love you, I really do, but this isn't working. It hasn't been working for a long time now. All we do is fight and hurt each other. It's just not healthy and I can't deal with it anymore._

_I don't want to hurt you any more than I have to, but I want to be completely honest with you. There's someone else. I didn't mean for it to happen, at first we were just friends but somehow it became more. I haven't cheated on you, I would never do that to someone else I loved – or at least not physically. There's no doubt that I've been emotionally unfaithful to you and you don't deserve that._

_I want to apologize for everything that I've put you through and for not having the guts to say this to your face. I'm afraid that if you were in front of me I'd lose my nerve and we'd start the cycle all over again. I hope that you find happiness and peace. You deserve that much and I wish you the best of luck. _

_Quinn_

He'd found the letter one night after he'd come home from work. She'd been gone and the only thing left was the letter and the remnants of the life that they'd led. He'd spent days hating her, weeks wishing that she'd come back and over a month wanting to hurt her. Seeing her today was like poking at a wound that hadn't quite healed. It made him want to do stupid shit (kinda like getting trashed).

He downed his next drink, once again signaling for another. His only hope at this point was that the bartender wouldn't cut him off.

"Puck."

He felt himself stiffen, not wanting to turn around. If he hadn't been so busy getting wasted, he would've smelled her as she neared. Quinn's scent was unique to only her. He couldn't even begin to describe it, but it hit him like a rock. And that voice. Fuck. She was fucking scared of him, her words breathy and timid. He hated to be the one that she was scared of.

"What the fuck do you want, Fabray?" He spun slowly to face her, forcing his face to remain cold and impassive.

Quinn gave a small smile. "I just thought that I'd come say hello, see how you were doing."

"See how I was doing?" Puck scoffed. "You mean after you ripped my heart out and then danced all over it just for fun?"

Quinn's smile vanished and he could've sworn that he saw hurt flash in her eyes. Well fuck her. He had nothing to feel guilty about. She was the one who'd left, the one who had run away.

Her head lifted slightly, her shoulder squared. "Well if you can't be civil I see no reason to continue this conversation. I'd say that it was nice seeing you, but then I'd be lying."

Puck's hand shot out and grasped her wrist when she started to turn away. He tugged her back towards him, tightening his grip when she tried to pull away. "Oh hell no, Barbie. You wanted to talk so we're going to talk. You don't get to just walk away because you don't like the way it's going." He paused, tilting his head to the side. "But that's what you're good at isn't it? Running away?"

"Fuck you, Puck." Quinn tried once again in vain to pull her wrist from his grip but he just held her tighter.

"You had your say when you left me that letter, but I never got my chance to have my say. So now you're going to listen to me whether you want to or not." He leaned over and whispered in her ear, "You can't even hate enough to love. You've gotta be able to do one to do the other, babe." He pulled back and met her eyes which were glassy with unshed tears. Oh hell no, she wasn't going to use tears to make him feel guilty. "You'll never be able to love anyone."

Quinn shook her head and opened her mouth to speak, but he cut her off. "Ya know what? I don't really fucking care what you have to say. It doesn't matter and _you_ don't matter." He let go of her arm and started to turn away to pick up his drink when her hand on his arm stopped him.

"You may be able to convince yourself that you don't care, but I know better. And that's why you're acting like this." She gave him a sad smile, a smile that said she felt sorry for him.

Well fuck her. No one felt sorry for him. He was a stud, a badass (even with a broken heart – not that he had one of course.)

"I really fucking wish that we were never friends. Because I just want to make you hurt, to see you in pain. To make you feel what I'm feeling." The words are out of his mouth before he can even think about them.

A single tear slid down Quinn's face and she quickly brushed it away. "I'm not going to do this with you anymore. _This _is why we never worked." She paused and he could see her fighting back the tears. "I loved you, but all we did was make each other miserable. We tore at each other until I had nothing left. Don't you understand? I couldn't stay with you without losing myself."

"It's your fault that we're over," he hissed through clenched teeth. "You didn't even try and fight for us. You lied and you cheated. You threw away four years without even a fight."

Quinn was quiet and he watched as the tears streaked down her cheeks. Well good, she was hurting. That's what he had wanted, right? (Even though it tore at his heart to see her crying.)

"You okay, Q?" a voice called from behind her.

Puck looked up to see, no real surprise there, Finn. He was glad that he'd found out that it was his former best friend that Quinn had left him for a few days prior. It had given him time to work out his frustration before coming out tonight. If he'd had no warning there would've been a fight. He did have to thank Berry for that one.

"I'm fine." Quinn wiped at her cheeks. "Puck, I'm so sorry that I hurt you, but it's better this way." She leaned against Finn and allowed him to lead her away. Finn glared over at Puck over his shoulder before turning away.

Any hope that he'd had of her coming back died right there in that instant. He hadn't thought that it could hurt any worse than it had before, but he was wrong. He'd apparently been holding out more hope than he'd thought because it hurt so badly he could barely catch his breath. It got worse as he watched her wrap her arms around Finn's neck and they swayed to the music. She was looking up at Finn the way that she used to look at him with her head tilted to the side and that sexy little smile on her lips.

He felt his own eyes tear up and closed them. He fought against the tears with everything he had, but he felt one fall and he quickly wiped it away. He signaled for another drink and tossed it back. There was only one way that he was going to make it through the night and that's to have as much to drink as possible.

He turned his back on the couple and concentrated on his drink. He'd never been enough for her (or good enough, if he was honest with himself). He should've known that it wouldn't last. He didn't hate her (no matter how much he wanted to), but he did still wish her harm. He hoped one day that he'd be able to be adult enough to be happy for her. But now wasn't that time. As he continued drinking, he couldn't help the dark turn his thoughts took in wishing her harm. He'd never do anything to her, but he couldn't help but wish that her relationship with Finn would nosedive.

He knew that he'd hate himself one day for his dark thoughts, but for now they were the only things keeping him together.


End file.
